Showing posts with label heartbreak. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heartbreak. Show all posts

Thursday, 28 November 2013

Black and Red - poem

A new poem for you all. 

Inspired by: doodling red and black hearts in my notebook (as if I am twelve...)When: 27/11/2013 in lecture


Black and Red


Black hearts against the red.
Can you see them?
They are the brightest hearts
(sometimes.)

Those lovers:
their eyes shine.
They are clever and bold and bright
and cruel.
(Like we were.)

We were shining, weren't we?
We were, and still are, 
young
with red-blood pumping.

Through time, we've changed. 

Your heart is matte now,
mine shines in the dark.
You can have the Sun my love, 
and I shall watch the stars
(Our stars.) 
You will learn to love again.
I shall finally learn to live.

My black, black heart
oh, how you made it beat.
You still do, you know
(but do you know your effect on me?)

I think you will love her
she isn't the one, but she is Alive. 
Enough for you, anyway.
(She isn't me, is that good?)

I wasn't enough. (Could I have been?)
OR: I was too much, perhaps?

We have danced together
beneath the stars.
Will I feel the light of the Sun
on my skin again?
There is no heat on my skin.
Not anymore.

You are alive, my darling.
And I shall be forever jealous;
guarding my stars in the black night
that is my heart. 

Monday, 21 October 2013

The Snow Killer: Part Three

1260 words, so much is said between the lines. Let's see what Danny does next:

The Snow Killer: Part Three

Danny took a swig of his drink and rushed out to follow her, to find she was already gone. He swore under his breath at the snowflakes that landed on his iced skin, and pulled his hood up over his short dirt-blonde hair.

Rush. Rush. Rush.

It’s only snow. It’s not the same snow. Every snowflake is different. They aren’t the same ones.

Danny searched for a lighter in his jacket, before remembering he’d given in to Diane.

Rush. Rush. Rush.

But they could be. They could have seen it all. They know it was my fault.

He turned the corner, bumping into a man in a leather jacket.
“Sorry, you alright, mate?” The man had a strange look on his face.

He knows.

Pump. Pump. Pump.

They know I killed Emily and Mum. They were there.

Rush. Pump.

It was the snows fault. I couldn’t stop the car.

Rush. Pump. Rush. Pump.

I shouldn’t have been driving.

Rush. Rush. Rush. Rush. Rush. Rush. Rush. Rush. Rush.

I couldn’t drive, Mum knew that.
“You need to practise, Danny, otherwise you’ll never pass, and then I’ll have to keep driving you everywhere.”
“Emily will pass before you do.”
“You should have learned when you were seventeen like all the other kids.”

“No, Mum, don’t let me drive.” Danny stopped abruptly and slammed his back against the outer-wall of the block of flats on Spring Lane. “You shouldn’t have let me drive.” Danny began to sob, but stopped when he heard a voice.

“Oh my god, Jen, there’s some beggar crying. Yeah. It’s a guy. I know right. I feel so bad for him, like, ‘cause it’s snowing and everything. I better go, Joe’s picking me up. Piss off, he’s my brother!”

Danny moved to see where the estranged voice was coming from, and realized it was the girl from the pub on the phone. He watched as she put her phone away and moved towards a lamppost. As she leaned against it, she pulled her thin jacket around her, and looked around.
They were at the edge of a council estate, in the middle of the night, and it was snowing.

Hardly a safe place to wait, stupid cow – doesn’t she know anything about Stranger Danger?

Pump. Pump. Pump.

The girl fidgeted in the cold but kept looking up at the sky, as if wondering where the snow comes from.

If she realises I’m here, she’s gonna go nuts.

Danny tried to stand up, but slipped down the wall and crashed into a bin.

“What the fuck was that?” The girl moved in to the light more, and Danny saw just how young she really was. She couldn’t have been more than nineteen.

Emily is nineteen in March.

Danny caught himself before he could think about her again, but his grip on his own mind was weak.

She was so young. So pretty. Everyone loved her.

He looked at the ditzy girl in front of him, and noticed her hair: it shone in the light of the flickering street lamp. She was fair, but not sickly pale, like Danny. When he was younger, his mother was always telling him to go out in the sun and play with the other kids.

“Who’s there? I’m calling the cops if you don’t come out right now!”  Her voice trembled like a crying child. “Now, dammit!” She screeched.

Rush. Rush. Rush.

Danny walked towards her, holding up his hands in surrender.
 “Whoa, OK, I’m coming out. I wasn’t watching you I swear, I just-“

Rush. Rush. Rush.

“Oh my days, it’s you: you’re the creepy bloke from the pub. You’re stalking me!” The girl stepped back.

Rush. Rush. Rush.

“No, No, seriously I’m not. I was just walking home, I swear.” He lowered his arms, and stepped towards her again.

This is beginning to look like a tango. Backwards, forwards. Backwards, forwards.

Rush. Rush. Rush.

Shut the fuck up, will you, so I can go home?

“Well then why were you hiding behind a bin? No sane person stalks anyone. You must be some psycho freak. Stalking girls in the snow.” She tried to stand firm, but her legs buckled beneath her and she fell into the quickly forming bed of snow behind her.

Rush. Rush. Rush.
Not the snow. It’s always the snow.
“Will you shut up about the weather? I’m not fucking stalking you.”
Rush. Rush. Rush.

“Yes you are: an attractive woman out on her own. I rejected you. You thought it would be funny to come and scare me. Well I’m not scared, Freak.” She spat the last word at him.

“Shut up” The words of a petulant child with no anger but his own.
Rush. Rush. Rush.

“Freak. Leave me alone.”  She scrambled back against a wall, and tried to stand up. Danny got closer and closer.

Stop talking.

“HELP! HELP ME HEL-“Danny covered her mouth with his hand.
RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum.

“Shut the fuck up. What are you trying to pull? Flirting with men and then accusing them of stalking you. I bet you’re not even old enough to be in a fucking pub.” He gripped her mouth with his palm; his nails digging in to her milk skin.

She’s so beautiful.
RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum.

The girl mumbled beneath his hand, and a warm expulsion of breath tickled his skin.
“Stop talking. Do you ever stop talking?”
RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum.
The girl tried to scream, which panicked Danny.

“Please stop talking. You talked about the snow. The snow hates me. Please, make it stop, please.” Danny sobbed hysterically. The girl’s eyes widened, and she tried to scream once more.
RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum.

Danny jolted his hand in panic, smashing her head against the bricks behind her head.
RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum.

She cried out in pain. Every noise she made was mumbled. She couldn’t breathe. There was blood everywhere.
RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum.

Danny pulled his hand away from her mouth and frantically tried to bring her back. He pounded his clenched hands against her silvery top.
“Breathe you bitch, fucking breathe.”
RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum.

“BREATHE” He grabbed her shoulders and shook her furiously; her head hitting the wall. Slam. Slam. Slam. More blood.

So much blood from such a tiny person.
“Please stop.”
RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum.

Danny dropped the girl’s body, and looked around for her bag. He pulled out a pink purse and a silver flip-phone. He fished out her I.D, looking for a name. He found a provisional driver’s licence.
Fuck. She’s sixteen. Oh my god, she’s fucking sixteen.

Tears escaped his eyes, burning as the cold and the wet hit his cheeks.
RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum.

“Lily Addams.” He looked from the I.D to the girl. I.D to the girl. I.D to the girl. I.D to the girl.

RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum. RUSH. Da. Dum.
Danny dropped the I.D card in the snow.

She looks just like Emily.
Rush. Rush. Rush.


Danny put everything back in the purse, and lay it next to the girl. He placed her blue hands on top of her stomach, and left her to sleep in the snow. 

"Snow Killer" current word count: 2,355 / 40,000 (est finished count)

Monday, 22 April 2013

The end of a relationship, and the effects of a bad one: Recovery (rant)

The end of the relationship is always difficult: for both parties. I don't care if he tells you it doesn't really bother him - it does. He will cherish those memories as much as will you. He will remember those happy days and smile when he does. Women aren't the only ones that look back on the days when you smiled...

However, you must remember, that everything happens for a reason, and relationships run their course. He may have felt like the one - whatever that is - but he obviously wasn't. He may have treated you like a princess, but that cannot be good for our egos all of the time. 

Women need honestly, not little white lies that sweet talk you in to bed. Yes, you wanted it too - but was it his idea or yours? Did you become a pushover just like your best friends said you had? Did you lose too much just to keep him in your life? I'm not talking about sexual abuse, I mean the every-day things, that slowly crush a person's soul: the little things that you lose. And the big things, such as life-long friendships and those girly nights you missed because he whisked you out for the night on short notice. 

Just to clarify: giving up your friends for a relationship is the worst thing you can do! Your friends will be there for you when you need them, unless you push them away and cuddle up to a boy that will only hurt you in the end. 
Boys leave, and they hurt us - but men are no better! There are good ones out there, believe me, and they will treat you right, and love you to the very end, but they can get hurt too. Don't make the mistake of leading a boy on because he's lovely and you really wished you really loved him. If you don't love him - get out. There's no point causing heartbreak: or being heartbroken. it's bad for you both if you stay in a relationship that's one-sided. 

I'm not a pessimist: love is out there for everyone - just don't give it all up for a boy thats not worth your heart. Just remember:

- Don't hold on to the whispers of hope that he throws your way: they aren't real, and he only one thing. 
- Don't break too many hearts - at least, not on purpose.
- Don't be cruel, and don't accept cruelty just because you can't bare being alone. 
- Don't let go of your friends and your dreams. 
- Pursue your life, and don't EVER relinquish your freedom. 

Thursday, 18 April 2013

Unrequited love (poem)

You know his favourite song
You know the names of his pets.
You even know his birthday
but yours, he always forgets.

You know his family history
you speak everyday.
You've known his embrace,
but he will always walk away.

You know the smell of his skin
You know where he drives.
You know his ambitions,
But you alone must strive.

He won't forget you.
He knows you to the core.
But he's is unaware of,
the love that you once bore.

Thursday, 14 March 2013

My opinion on young love

Young love isn't the best thing in the world; it’s the freshness that accompanies it that so many of us cling to. Those first experiences that you can never get back. The first love. The first heartbreak. No matter whom they are or how you feel about them, they are always in the back of your mind, and they will stay there until you find the real thing. You aren't clinging to the past, it's just following you on with your journey until you are ready to let go and finally grow up and live your life.
So don't forget, or regret young love: remember it until Time has played its hand, and you have moved on to find that one person who understands your dreams, your lies, your faults, and your secrets. 
When you do that, you will want for nothing.